by Crown-Keeper, Staff Writer
Last Updated: Palast, Gildember 24, 426 AC
Palanthas – This week’s game of Kender Keep Away was certainly a doozy. The selected ball was the ring found to be missing from the Uth Wistan family, mentioned earlier. The kender simply waited until a red-faced knight bolted into the room, screaming bloody murder.
The two teams, the Fizban Fighters and Reorx Arms played a great match. Managing to keep the ring away from the knight for a new personal record of 37 minutes, the Reorx Arms, captained by Timestop Sheepslayer, managed a splendid 30 points in the first round when the knight threw his shield up, blocking the ring and catching it. After relieving it again against his will, it was now the Fighter’s turn.
Using a new strategy recently perfected the team captain, Aquasea Hilltopper, managed a circle and began having the kender opposite the one with the ring taunt the knight. Some sample taunts: “Nice bucket you’ve got there. Oh wait that’s your armor!” “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of eldeberries! What does that make you? A smelly hamster?” And the last sample but certainly not the last, “You’re so slow, I bet a napping gully dwarf could cross a street faster than you could run.” This one provoked the knight into attacking the kender. Taunter-in-Chief, or TIC, Taunterface Largemouth, promptly scurried out of the manor serving as an arena and into the nearby Gladiatorial Arena, where he got three gladiators to attack themselves before returning to the manor.
After 42 minutes, the round was over. Having decided to go check out the jail in a small neighboring town, the two teams postponed the match and forgot about it. So, as standing, the final scores are: Fizban Fighters: 42 Reorx Arms: 37, Winner: Fizban Fighters.
‘Till next time sports fans and kender fans, I’m CK, and this is the Palanthas Herald.
(NOTE: For those of you wondering, the knight did not get his ring back. He was later found smashing the wall of his manor, where the contest had taken place, with his sword repeatedly looking for vampire kender hidden in the walls.)