(To the beat of Green Eggs and Ham, with the humblest of apologies to Dr. Seuss.)

Frump: That Sam-I-Know, That Sam-I-Know
I do not like that Sam-I-Know

Sam-I-Know: Do you like the War of Souls?

Frump: I do not like the War of Souls
I do not like it, Sam-I-Know

Sam-I-Know: Do you like it with new magic?
Would you like it if the heroes were tragic?

Frump: Please don’t write it with new magic.
It isn’t right, and that’s what’s tragic.

Sam-I-Know: Would you read it with a dragon?
Here, let me pour you a flagon.

Frump: I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write the new magic.
You guys are whacked, and the story is what’s tragic.

Sam-I-Know: Would you read it with a gnome?
Would you read it at his home?

Frump: I would not read it with a gnome.
I do not care to see his home.
I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write the new magic.
You guys are whacked, and the story is tragic.

Sam-I-Know: Do you think they killed Fifth Age?
Would they, could they on every page?

Frump: Yes, I think they killed Fifth Age
You can tell on every page!
I would not read it with a gnome.
I do not care to see his home.
I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write the new magic.
You guys are nuts, and the story is tragic.

Sam-I-Know: You may like it. You will see.
It’s not just one big tragedy.

Frump: I will not like it. I won’t, I say!
They’ll take my afflicted kender away.
They killed the Fifth Age! This is true.
Sam have you been sniffing glue?
I would not read it with a gnome.
I do not care to see his home.
I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write new magic.
You guys are crazy, and the story is tragic.

Sam-I-Know: Lots of people like it, they do.
It’s on the NY Bestsellers list too.

Frump: The Bestsellers list? Well that means zip!
Those sheep they call fans aren’t hip.
I will not like it. I won’t, I say!
They’ll take my afflicted kender away.
They killed the Fifth Age! This is true.
Sam have you been sniffing glue?
I would not read it with a gnome.
I do not care to see his home.
I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write the new magic.
You guys are lame, and the story is tragic.

Sam-I-Know: Would read it with a kender?
Could you read it on a bender?

Frump: I will not will not with a kender.
I might consider it on a bender.
The Bestsellers list? Well that means zip!
Those sheep they call fans aren’t hip.
I will not like it. I won’t, I say!
They’ll take my afflicted kender away.
They killed the Fifth Age! This is true.
Sam have you been sniffing glue?
I would not read it with a gnome.
I do not care to see his home.
I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write the new magic.
You guys are to blame, and the story is tragic.

Sam-I-Know: What if they killed Takhisis?
That old Paladine’s nemesis?

Frump: I will not like it if they killed Takhisis.
That old fart Paladine’s nemesis,
I will not will not with a kender.
I might consider it on a bender.
The Bestsellers list? Well that means zip!
Those sheep they call fans aren’t hip.
I will not like it. I won’t, I say!
They’ll take my afflicted kender away.
They killed the Fifth Age! This is true.
Sam have you been sniffing glue?
I would not read it with a gnome.
I do not care to see his home.
I would not read it with a dragon.
I do not care to drink a flagon.
You have no clue how to write the new magic.
You guys are to blame, and the story is tragic.

Sam-I-Know: You don’t like it, so you say.
Try to read it, and you may.
Read it and you may, I say.

Frump Reads War of Souls

Frump: Say!
I like the War of Souls, I do!
I like it Sam-I-Know it’s true!
And I dig all four types of magic.
I dig the heroes both courageous and tragic.
They did not kill my Fifth Age today
I think that I’m a fan who’ll stay!
I would read it here or there.
I would read it ANYWHERE!

I do so like the War of Souls.
Thank you, thank you Sam-I-Know.