The Toede Who “Borrowed” Yuletide

Original concept by Dr. Seuss.

The Kender of Treeville liked Yuletide a lot,
But Lord Toede, who lived just north of Treeville, Did Not!

Looking down from his cave with a hobgoblin frown,
Lord Toede hated kender who lived in that town.
“Look down there” he said to his faithful toad Max.
“All those kender are playing and stirring up tracks
in the snow ’round their houses, and all of them grinning,
They’re smiling, and laughing, and dancing, and singing!”

“Damn you all!” yelled Lord Toede. Then he said with a sneer,
“This is all because Yuletide is practically here!”
“What can I do?” asked the Toede to his toad,
and he thought to himself as looked at the road.
With a snap of his meaty fat fingers it came.
He would “borrow” their Yuletide, and they’d feel lame!

“I know just what to do!” Lord Toede said with a laugh,
and he entered his cave and he took a rare bath,
and then with a look through an old pile of clothes
the hobgoblin took out the brightest of robes.
With a snip and a sew the hobgoblin mender
put on his new rags to look just like a kender.

From the top of his head to the souls of his feet
Lord Toede was dressed up as bright as a beet.
“Now I look like one of those pathetic fools,
I’ll enter there town and I’ll play by their rules.
I’ll take all I can when no one is looking.
I’ll wait till they sleep and then I’ll start cooking.

So, Lord Toede started down the hill from his home
and he brought with him one magic bag and a comb.
He put on a wig that he tied in a knot,
then he fixed up the wig and he found a good spot.
Then the “kender” walked into town with a grin
as he thought about all of the things “found” within.

He approached the first house, and he leaned in the door
not a sound could be heard as he cross the clean floor.
“This is stop number one,” whispered Toede with a grin
Then he grabbed the first object he found in a bin.
He cleaned out the cabinets, he cleaned off the shelves,
He took all the pictures and the wreaths and the bells.

Each item was placed in the magic bag quick.
As he rushed ’round the house it was making him sick.
“Look at this, look at that” he muttered so dark,
“Everything’s merry and bright. What a lark!”
Then he heard something and his heart leapt above.
It was a small coo like the sound of a dove.

Lord Toede turned around and looked down on a face.
A small friendly face that lit up the whole place.
“What are you doing?” The friendly girl asked.
“Why are you taking all of our things so fast?
My hoopak is gone and my new toy sling
You even took grandma’s new hearing aid thing.”

But, you know that Lord Toede was so fast and so slick,
that he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.
“Well you see now, my dear little kenderkin girl
I am a friend of your old “Uncle Tenfingers Curl”.
This is just a small joke that we all like to play
we sneak in a house and we take things away.”

The little one smiled as she thought of the fun
and she ask if he needed some help getting done.
“Well why not,” said Lord Toede with an old evil smirk,
and he set the poor child straight off to work.
In no time at all the house was soon bare
and the girl went to bed with a pat on her hair.

Then the old Toede went to each kender home
and he took any object not made by a gnome.
He tied off the bag to start back to his cave
and was thinking of making a kender his slave,
when a noise came to him and his ears started ringing.
He decided the noise could only be singing.

He looked up above to his home on the hill
and he saw a queer sight that made him stand still.
“It can’t be!” he exclaimed as the dawns early light
showed him an unbelievable sight.
A kender parade on the snow like a wave
was traveling down the hill from HIS cave!

Lord Toede lost his breath and was feeling quite dizzy
as the first kender reached him all up in a tizzy.
“You should have seen it! You should have been there!
We took everything! We left nothing to spare!”
All the kender were yelling and having some fun.
They all swarmed to tell him what had been done.

“Do you know that old Toede on the hill over here?
Well, we played a good trick on him this Yuletide year!
We went to his home with a goatsucker bird.
It was roasted and dipped in a sweet three cheese curd.
But, the old Toede was out when we came a callin’,
so we entered his cave in case he had ..uhhhh..fallen!”

Lord Toede knew the rest, the idea was grand
they had entered his cave and had left it quite bland.
All of his lovely possessions were gone
all from the pointy eared, topknotted spawn!
He took a deep breath and put on a fake grin
safe in the knowledge that he would still win.

So the kender parade went on back into town
and Lord Toede, went on home to have one look around.
He sat down on a rock and he started to giggle.
The hobgoblin took out his bag with a wiggle.
A look in the bag and his good mood was fleeting,
The Kender Parade had switched bags in their meeting.

The End
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone!

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  • Memorable Quotes

    I hit them too hard.

    — Caramon Majere, Dragons of Autumn Twilight