Kender Taunts


General Taunts

  • Cross eyed, flee infested, buck toothed, gully dwarf!
  • Did your parents ever insult any gods?
  • Have you considered using skunk oil to hide that horrible smell?
  • I’ve always wondered what a cross-breed between an ogre and a gully dwarf would look like!
  • Why do you always make that funny face at me? Oh! That’s how you always look!
  • You think you’re the gods’ gift to Krynn? Well, I hope they kept the receipt!
  • Your father was a minotaur and your mother’s a ranger!
  • Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of eldeberries!
  • You’ve got a face only a draconian could love!

Bard Taunts

  • Who sang that originally? Let’s keep it that way.

Centaur Taunts

  • Which end is the horse?

Death Knight Taunts

  • Do you ever need to be relit?
  • Where do you stick the batteries?
  • You may be able to kill me with a word, but do you ever shut up?

Dragon Taunts

  • Here Birdy Birdy! Dwagon wanna Cwacker?

Dwarf Taunts

  • Are you male or female? I can’t tell.
  • Hide the silverware! It’s a ken- oh my! I’m so sorry Mister Dwarf. I thought you were a kender!
  • I see why you stay underground, the fresh air avoids you.
  • I’ve seen a more impressive beard on an elf woman!
  • Your mother had no whiskers!

Elf Taunts

  • (To an elf woman): Hey, I saw a dwarf lady wearing that same thing…but she made it look good.
  • I think they’re really interesting! Especially with the long pointy ears. I believe they can flap them and fly up as high as they have their noses.
  • (To a Kagonesti): Kender children like to draw pictures on themselves too!
  • My ears are pointier!

Goblin Taunts

  • Who do you look like most – your father or your mother???

Knight Taunts

  • Go soak your head in a bucket. Then some fool might mistake it for a helm and, therefore, mistake you for a knight.

Mariner Taunts

  • I’m not surprised you have never had scurvy. What illness would want to have you as a host?

Minotaur Taunts

  • Have any of you lost this bell?
  • Hey isn’t that Farmers Strobel’s brand on you?
  • How was your night in the stables, you ugly spawn of a tavern roast!
  • I know a dairy where they need a nice cow like you.
  • I know a farrier who could size you right up!
  • Moo!
  • Wow! That cow just spoke!
  • You eat meat? I thought cows were herbivores.
  • You have got to be the worst excuse for a horse I ever saw!
  • You milk-giving, field-grazing, ugly horn-head!!!
  • Your father had no horns!

Ogre Taunts

  • I’ve never seen teeth in such a lovely shade of green…

Takhisis Taunts

  • How can 5 heads share half a brain?
  • Look! A goblin with 5 dragon heads!

Wizard Taunts

  • (To a Red Robe): Have you ever been charged by a minotaur?
  • How can a Black Robe be evil in a dress?
  • Whew! Is that your spell components, or do you make your own soap?
  • Who needs a magic portal with those nostrils?!?
  • (*bends over*) Worship This Moon!
  • You couldn’t turn water into ice in the dead of winter!
  • You’re such a bad wizard that you couldn’t even cast fishing rod!!!
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  • Memorable Quotes

    Raist! Wake up! Here, watch… I’ll make you laugh. Look, Raist, bunnies…

    — Caramon Majere, Test of the Twins