These results, oddly enough, were not found on the Dragonlance Movie Homepage (where they belonged). Instead, I found them on Kipper Snifferdoo’s Kender Homepage (I’m not surprised, are you?) Thanx 4 the inpho, Kipper. The winners are listed first, with the runners-up listed in parentheses. Then my thoughts. Enjoy.
Tanis: Kenneth Branagh (Brad Pitt)
Who? If he looks anything like any of the other Branaghs, he doesn’t look like an elf at all. My pick: Val Kilmer. See Willow. Nuff sed.
Caramon: Arnold Schwartzenegger (Kevin Sorbo)
What th’?! I don’t know about you, but I cringe at the very idea of hearing, “Uh, sure, Raist” in that accent! Kevin Sorbo was my original pick–he has that “average dude” look that made Caramon Caramon.
Raistlin: Val Kilmer (Brent Spiner)
No. Val Kilmer is waaaaaay too healthy looking. Yes, I know, there was some western flick he was in where he played a character with tuberculosis and got REAL good a coughing and hacking and wheezing, but I remain adamant. Brent Spiner–we already know wut he looks like with yellow eyes….He just doesn’t have that Raistlin look. My pick–Brad Dorif. Piter deVreis in Dune.
Sturm: Christopher Lambert (Patrick Bergin, Kurt Russell)
I’ll have to take their word for it, I’ve never even heard of Christopher Lambert.
Laurana: Michelle Pfeiffer (Cameron Diaz)
Good choice. Pfeiffer has that “spoiled elf” look that so characterised Laurana at the beginning of Chronicles, and we know she can act viscious.
Kitiara: Demi Moore (Sigourney Weaver)
Originally my choice was Weaver, but I noticed that, since Moore is younger, she’d fit the role better.
Goldmoon (tie) Daryl Hannah, Meg Ryan (Michelle Pfeiffer, Uma Thurman)
Meg Ryan is way too…cute for Goldmoon. My choice was Hannah. A little bronzer to darken that vegetarian complexion, and she’s perfect.
Riverwind: Lou Diamond Phillips (Daniel Day Lewis)
Aren’t those two names the same person? It seems that way to me. But, after seeing Last Of The Mohicans, I knew Lewis would have made a perfect Riverwind.
Flint: Danny DeVito (Warwick Davis)
WHAT?! Anyone will tell you, DeVito would be too big and Davis too young. My choice, Billy Barty. He’s already been typecast as an irritable dwarf….
Tas: Elijah Wood (Ben Savage)
Who? Oh well. Ben Savage is too big Not too tall–special effects can take care of that (remember Clifford?) but too big. And besides, he’d look even more ridiculous with a Brillo Pad topknot. My choice, Rider Strong (Also from “Boy Meets World”) cuz he has that kender look to him.
Tika: Nicole Kidman (Jennifer Connelly)
Naaaah. My choice would have either been Julia Roberts or Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. Just depends on if it’s the Tika from the painting for Dragons of Autumn Twilight (Or Whatever it was called) or the Tika from the painting for Leaves From the Inn of the Last Home.
Gilthanas: Cary Elwes (Ian Hart)
I have no idea who Ian Hart is, but that doesn’t matter, because Elwes has “snooty” down to an art.
Verminaard: Jeremy Irons (Rutger Hauer)
Naaah. I would have picked Tim Curry for this role. Tim Curry can play anything. And his voice would have just the right timbre of robust evilness.
Gunthar: Sean Connery (Patrick Stewart)
I’m sorry, but even though Connery can play anything, Stewart would be better for the role. Can’t imagine anyone else. Doesn’t he look like a Knighht of Solamnia to you?
Astinus: Patrick Stewart (Anthony Hopkins)
I have no idea what Anthony Hopkins looks like–but Astinus of Palanthas is supposed to appear ageless that is one thing Stewart can’t do.
Eben: Steve Buscemi (Duncan Reghr) Who? Who? Who? I don’t know who those two actors are–I don’t even remember who Eben is. Next….
Theros: Michael Dorn (Morgan Freeman)
Can’t think of any reason why either of those wouldn’t be right, but then again, I can’t think of any why they would. My pick: Avery Brooks. He’s got that proper amount of melodrama to him that is essential for his entrance at Whitestone.
Toede: Wallace Shawn (Danny DeVito)
Yes! Shawn has got that goblin voice, he really does.
Elistan: Charlton Heston (Peter Weller)
Was there ever any doubt?
Derek: Dennis Quaid (Jeremy Irons)
Derek? Derek Crownguard, the knasty knight? Quaid. Yup.
Soth (voice): James Earl Jones (Jeremy Irons)
Oh, please, was there any doubt?! Now what would be even funnier would be if they brought in David Prowse to wear the costume!!
Ariakas: Rutger Hauer (Alan Rickman)
Uhmmmm, your guess is as good as mine….
Fizban: Christopher Lloyd (Rowan Atkinson)
Either of them would make a wonderful Fizban (esp. Lloyd with that wild hair of his), but I envsioned Fizban being played by Tom Baker–4th Doctor, “Dr. Who”. Baker has befuddled down to a science.
Berem: Brad Pitt (Willem DaFoe)
Pitt. Definietly. He’s got that “I’m more miserable than any immortal being shoud be” look down pat. Angst puppy.
Silvara: Drew Barrymore (Mary Stuart Masterson)
Sure. Why not?
Bupu: Rhea Perlman (Carol Kane)
Perlman. She is not attractive and neither is Bupu. “This me friend Woody, and him Norm and him Fraser….”
Solostaran: Frank Langella (Sean Connery)Uhmmm…okay.
Ahlana: Courtney Cox (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio)
Will you “Friends” maniacs leave well enough alone?!” Jeez! My pick: Winona Ryder. Nuff sed.
Gnosh: Kenny Baker (Malcom Dixon)
“We shoulda stayed at ‘ome, makin’ treeeeeees. ‘Ow could we’ve been so styupid?” Naaaaaaah. If you’ve ever seen Time Bandits, you’d know Dixon would make a better gnome. And I should know.
Bakaris: Sting (Keifer Sutherland, Bruce Campbell, Brad Pitt)
Sting. Definitely. Any weird movie based on a book of more than 800 pages has to have Sting in it.
Maquesta: Angela Basset (Grace Jones)
Basset. We already know what she looks like in a huge ‘fro and strange clothes. And anyone who can manage the sheer melodrama that is Tina Turner can play a sea captain.
Gakhan: Robert Englund (Tim Curry)
I don’t even remember who Gakhan is (or was), but with a name like that, U have to cast the guy that breathed life into Freddy Kreuger.
Amothus: John Cleese (Stephen Fry)
As if there was ever any doubt. No-one does blustering, shouting indignance quite like Cleese.
Zebulah: Sean Connery (Kevin Costner)
Couldn’t make up yr minds as to whether he was young or old, couldja? I’d pick Costner, personally, if I could remember what Zebulah looked like….
Apoletta: Halle Berry (Helena Bonhan Carter, Laura Dern)
Yr guess is as good as mine–she only had 2 scenes.
Takhisis: Sigourney Weaver (Teri Hatcher)
Weaver, without a doubt. She can look evil if she tries. Whenever Teri Hatcher (who looks just like Peri on Dr. Who. Brrrrrrrrr) tries to look evil she just comes across bitchy.
Otik: Bob Hoskins (Danny Aiello)
Hoskins. I agree wholeheartedly. He’s got that friendly innkeep look to him.
Skie (voice): Jack Palance (James Earl Jones)
Neither. I don’t remember what Palance sounds like, but I imagine Kitiara’s dragon, a stiff upper lip kinda guy, sounding more like Rene Auberjonois.
Lorac: Donald Sutherland (John Malkovich)
You know who would make a perfect Lorac? Mark Lenard (Sarek) from Star Trek.
Bertrem: David Hyde-Pierce (Hugh Laurie)
Naah, I see Kelsey Grammer as the head servant of the Ultimate Bookworm.
Pyrite (voice): John Rhys-Davies (Katherine Hepburn, Leslie Neilsen, Earl Campbell, Adam Sandler, Christopher Lloyd, Robin Williams, James Earl Jones, Wilford Brimley, Walter Matthau)
Williams. Every group of famous people doing voice-overs has to have Robin Williams. He can play anything.
Hederick: Tommy Lee Jones (Robbie Coltrane)
Well, look at it this way: we already know what Jones looks like ugly. And we know he can do evil.
Forestmaster: Rene Russo (Whoopi Goldberg, Lauren Bacall, Kathleen Turner)
Personally, I’d pick Goldberg. She’s got that “wisdom of womanhood” thing down pat after however many years as Guinan on Star Trek.
Mishakal: Moira Kelly (Barbara Eden, Elizabeth Taylor, Tori Amos)
I’d have to say Kelly. None of the others have the look of a goddess of healing.
Highbulp: Jack Purvis (Billy Barty)
Purvis. He’d be wonderful as a cunning but still stupid gully dwarf.
Kisanth (voice): Linda Hamilton (Audrey Meadows, Bonnie Bedelia, Madonna, Cher, Sigourney Weaver)
I think Madonna would sound cool as a dragon.
Porthios: Keifer Sutherland (Kurt Russell)
He of the two scenes. But Kurt Russell looks NOTHING like an elf. Okay? Okay!
Pyros (voice): Sam Neill (Michael Madsen, Sylvester Stallone, Jeff Goldblum, Antonio Banderas, Jack Palance)
Hunh? Isn’t Pyros that pedantic dragon at..er…wherever it was that Fizban “died?” I think a dragon that thinks 2 much would sound cool done by Jeff Goldblum. Chaos theory, man.
Matafleur: Kathy Bates (Angela Lansbury)
I think Lansbury sounds more…er…maternal.
Sestun: Mike Edmonds (Malcom Dixon)
Remember Og? Edmonds is one of the few little people out there that does stupid well.
And there it is.