I like reading about kender, sure, but I don’t think I’d like to live with one. But I still think a kender–any kender–would be better than my little sisters. Hence, the top ten list.
Top ten reasons why it’s better to be stuck your entire life in a glowing, doorless, windowless, itemless room (think of it as the Abyss, without the nifty perks) with a certifiably crazy kender than your sister.
10. The certifiably crazy kender is not your sister.
9. Kender–especially certifiably crazy ones–are full of surprises. He might just get you both out. Your sister is shallower than an elf is snotty. And she’s the one who got you in the room in the first place (it must be her fault–no one else could’ve done it).
8. Your sister is really a kender–but she’s a kender who pretends relation with you, and that’s worse than a certifiably crazy kender any day. No one wants to hear “Hey, brother (or sister)!” every five minutes from a kender. It does horrible things to your mental health.
7. Your sister’s voice is higher, shriller, and more annoying.
6. The certifiably crazy kender will talk to himself–rather than to you–but still think he is talking to someone. He can be entertained this way for hours. Your sister knows you are the only other–strike that–only person in the room, and she never listens when you talk(i.e. “Shut up you bloody idiot!”).
5. The certifiably crazy kender is not your sister.
4. It’s more of a sin to kill a family member than a kender, believe it or not. It has to do with the balance of the world, or something–you know, there always has to be an equal, opposing evil to every good.
3. You can discover exactly how long it takes for a kender to die from old age. You’ll be part of history.
2. Your sister knows you are there. The certifiably crazy kender doesn’t even know that HE is there.
1. If there are no items in the room, you’re both naked. There, I’ve said it.